Not that we like to pick on celebrities (but hey, at least we can spell most of the time), but Oscar weekend is the perfect time to remind ourselves that people are only in the entertainment industry because of the Dilbert principle: everyone rises to the level of their incompetence. In the case of about 85% of Hollywood, Burger King Fry Cook eluded them, and a new and entirely different set of rules had to be created which would allow them to make the maximum amount of money with the minimum amount of brain cells, which they would also be then free to kill.

Were it not for Hollywood, these people would be serving your food, cleaning your homes and parking your cars, which is a main reason that we give thanks, every year, that someone has the intestinal fortitude to organize a meeting, serve them free booze and award them prizes for going three full months not wearing makeup, and working opposite Billy Bob Thornton.

We have nothing but the utmost respect for these people, and their massive foresight, which includes an instructional video for accepting said award (music starts = move), lots of shiny objects (known as "swag") to tempt them to read the teleprompter correctly, and a few mildly condescending advertising opportunities.

And tomorrow we feast on their inability to dress themselves and speak coherently. Its like a big zoo, but without the walking, and little danger of being hit by monkey feces. Perhaps George Clooney will even deign to delight us with one of his witty "quips" about Republicans, and a movie entirely devoted to normalizing peoples opinions about homosexuality will win an undeserved award for Best Picture. Damn! Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh had nothing on these snookers!

Join me, E.M., of American Princess, and occasional Clay Aiken basher, tomorrow night as I liveblog, perhaps starting at 6, perhaps a little later, depending on how long it takes me to get "loosened up" enough to want to watch the show. Hey, I didn't get an invite to Elton Johns Oscar party, and neither did you, so the least we can do is enjoy this moment together.

Drinking games are encouraged, following along in the commentary is also encouraged. Intellectual conversation on the state of the entertainment industry, naturally, is not.

Goodnight, folks. And good luck. I'll see you on the red carpet.